New Conscience

by Fred Kelly

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released March 19, 2016

Written, Performed, and Mixed by Fred Kelly
Thanks to Sam, Johnny, Max, Nick, Colin, Sebby and Ryan for their constant support and constantly lending me their ears to bounce mix ideas off of.

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Fred Kelly Boston, Massachusetts

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Track Name: Seventy One Percent
Everything we ever wanted lay in front of us
and all we ever had to do was just pretend
sleep is for the weak and only on the weekends
sacrifice our evenings and our afternoons

But I don't know what to do
I feel set up to lose
I'm flying blind and running on fumes

But I made it here
in one piece
my eyes are begging for some sleep
and them someone throws a marker at me
someone throws a marker at me
and I know it wasn't what he means
but every awful week blends into one

I'm stuck on repeat

Wouldn't mind the grind if it ever ended
What am I gonna find when it never does
Wouldn't mind the grind if it brought me somewhere else
Far away from here and close to you

My life is passing me by
five out of seven days
I'm gonna run out of time
where I can make mistakes
My futures on a couple sheets of paper you can believe what you want

That it all depends upon your state of mind

Here's mine

Wouldn't mind the grind if it ever ended
What am I gonna find when it never does
Wouldn't mind the grind if it brought me somewhere else
Far away from here and close to you
And far from here
and close to you
Track Name: Scrap Metal Crow
The tired eyes of another sleepless night
skin bleached by artificial light
a mind of ash
Coffee with milk, no sugar
but a couple cubes of spite
and the dread that weighs like lead
on my insides

Tripping over the unassembled pieces
of the adult I should be by now
Kick aside the reams of paper
full of the letters I’ll never write
fight my way through the hanging doubts that
I’m not cut out to make it on my own
Cut out to make it on my own
Not cut out to make it on my own

Scrap metal crow
perched by my bedside
fly through my window
and eat the crickets keeping me up
Scrap metal crow
won’t you offer me wisdom
your loyal shadow
shields me from the lamppost outside

Pockets full of folded tissues
for the melted brain
that’s dripping out my nose all day
onto my shirt
Headphones for the times I need to
drown this voice of mine
until these taxing thoughts subside
and quiet remains

Tripping over the unassembled pieces
of the adult I should be by now
Kick aside the reams of paper
full of the letters I’ll never write
fight my way through the hanging doubts that
I’m not cut out to make it on my own
Cut out to make it on my own
Not cut out to make it on my own
Track Name: That is False
The world is a great place to be
That is false
I'd rather be no one but me
That is false
I'm healthy and lucky and happy indeed
That is false, that is false

I'm doing fine carrying on
That is false
The voices in my head are wrong
That is false
You find inner peace by existing alone
That is false, that is false

He looks out for me from the sky
That is false
The folks who think I'm a great guy
That is false
The thought of running off has never crossed my mind
That is false, that is false

And I'm loving the length of my hair
That is false
I'm loving the taste of the air
That is false
When struggle and pressure comes too much to bear
I turn off the lights and just be.
Track Name: Basically There
Trenched in order
Trembling for the
Wandering from trajectory

Stepping off the
Tracks beneath my feet
To meet what waits for me

And tomorrow's uncertain
But I'll give it my best shot
Until there's nothing left of me

Just a trail of fossils
Former selves that have since
Evolved

Draw on my sneakers with pen
to break associations
Never a moment to spare
Take my hand, we're basically there

We're basically there
Basically there
Basically there

Crimson Carpet
Drywall painted grey
Lit up like Christmas eve
Lying on the spot
Still warm from you
And smiling inwardly
Track Name: 365
In five years time I'll remember sixteen
And look back dreamy eyes at the happy boy I used to be
Last night I cried in the shower again
Hope I didn't wake my family, I don't want to worry them

Yet people say these are the easiest years of our lives

Something took hold of me in seventh grade
And put dread in my stomach that still hasn't faded away
This illness I've nurtured is part of me now
Took four years of hard work but I'm certain it's part of me now

And it's hard to explain but at times I don't want to get better

My mind's an unreliable, sentimental prick
With an eye for the sorry nostalgia I'm wallowing in
No matter how badly I want to backwards
The only thing I'm in control of right now is the future

So like I've said each September that I still remember
This'll be my year, I can feel it.
Track Name: Walking the Cow (Daniel Johnston)
Song be Daniel Johnston on 'Hi, How Are You?' (1983)

Trying to remember,
But my feelings can’t know for sure.
Try to reach out
But it’s gone...

Lucky stars in your eyes...
I’m walking the cow...

I really don’t know how I came here...
I really don’t know why I’m staying here...
Oh, Oh, Oh. I’m walking the cow...

Tried to point my finger,
But the wind keeps blowing me around
In circles...circles...

Lucky stars in your eyes...
I’m walking the cow...

I really don’t know what I have to fear...
I really don’t know why I have to care...
Oh, Oh, Oh. I’m walkin’ the cow...
Lucky stars in your eyes...
Track Name: I'm Not Eight
Listen to me now
You can let go of my arm
The skin is white under the indentations of your fingers
You're grabbing at my shirt
You're gonna rip it in the same place
As all the others

I know that you love me
And I know you mean well
But there are consequences
Keep on getting older
But I'm not growing up
They are consequences

I'm getting good marks
I'm checking the boxes
But there's this chasm still
There are somethings
That don't make sense now but did then
And I know every one

One word answers
And a dishonest smile
Don't look at your shoes at me
Can't you see I'm working
I might die inside these walls
I can't let that happen

There are some things
That don't make sense now but did then
And I know every one
Track Name: It Was Sunday and We Saw Joyce Manor
A still mind finds me
Only between buildings
At night
A pea coat and black hat
The air is beautiful cold
This time

I always notice the brilliant red
of the taillights of the car ahead of mine
And I love this city with all of my might
and my head and my heart combined

An anxious mind now rooted to the ground
Parting clouds of certain certainty
It's good to know that I can stick around
What I'd give to be eight again

The crosswalk tells me to wait
And I do
I don't mind waiting for you
This sidewalk is home
This city is home

I always notice the brilliant red
of the taillights of the car ahead of mine
And I love this city with all of my might
and my head and my heart combined

An anxious mind now rooted to the ground
Parting clouds of certain certainty
It's good to know that I can stick around
What I'd give to be eight again

Oxidized lion painted over green
Sidewalk over a tunnel and the cars below me
Bright neon light reflected off brick and pavement
The sunset and bench where I asked you if we were a thing
Track Name: Silhouette
Silhouette by the sun shining
I'm Fred when you're beside me
Undone, tattered knots of worry
Smoothed out by your slender fingers

You deserve a happily ever after
You deserve a happily ever after

Look inside my head and see our own apartment
Help me turn within into without
On old plastic the city flies past it
We'll have two rabbits
Won't you come with me, darling?
Track Name: Story of My Heart
I don't know what's left to say
I guess my best was less than great
but that's all I could ever ask of myself

I don't know what's left to say
Time passes and imaginations change
when I took off glasses that had slowly covered in dust

Things would have ended by either awkward conversation
or by wicked scythe
it goes against the story in my heart to think
there's no such thing as everlasting love